When it fizzles out

At which point do you realize that it had been broken way past resuscitation points? A wound that never heals and pain that just does not leave.

I gave her my all.

Not because I had to, she never demanded it from me, well not at the beginning. She never begged for the Milky Way but she did occasionally express desire for it. Why I gave my all? Because I honestly thought she deserved it.

What is “you’re all” as the iconic phrase seems to have lost in meaning during recent times. Back in the day you often hear of memorable stories of desire, love, lust and friendship. Has it all lost its way through the tired hectic life of smoke, sun, petrol and led screens? Are we too connected into a world that we have forgotten the essence of what being human is, loving and being loved.

I loved.

I drove, I paid, I endured, I cried, I laughed, I met family, I met friends, I travelled, I cooked, I ate with you, I slept late, I woke up early, I slammed my hands on the table, I beat my chest, I saw, I witnessed, I endured lies, I endured deliberate attempts to brake my spirit, I endured pain, mental pain, physical pain, emotional pain, I endured abandonment, through the crazy, the mean and the absolute madness, I endured.

I smelled you, I moved your hair from your eyes, lifted you, held your neck, your hips, your waist, traced your backbone, lifted you up, put you down, we were crazy, we were passionate, it was hot, it left us breathless, drained, satisfied and fulfilled.

For what?

For one and the half years. For the memories. For the love that was never there. For the hope of love. For the desire of being loved. For the dreams of what love could build. For the children I never had.

And then it’s gone, utterly just left me behind.

Yes it wasn’t perfect at all. But I’ll miss you. I can’t help that we are immature enough to realize that we found something quite amazing but chose to let ego come in between us.

And when it comes to the point where you choose to turn me down for comfort and ease, then we had lost all the above, the full circle, dynamics of this thing called “love”.

Or was it love, maybe it was just curiosity.

Who knows these answers?

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2 thoughts on “When it fizzles out

  1. I just touched on this point in my blog. We use the word love so much in our world, but we do really understand the meaning behind the word. Great post and I could really feel the emotions you were feeling.

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