She’s a Woman to Me

It’s the way she smells,

like fresh flowers, like soapy bubbles on a green garden,

like sweet strawberries.

It’s her eyes,

how they sparkle, how they allow me access to everything else,

how they me a story.

It’s the hair,

how it covers my face, and smells like a bouquet,

how I long to pull it,

hard enough that her neck bends.

It’s how she’s a woman to me,

 

She’s soft,

she whispers in my ear,

she licks my neck,

she giggles,

It is how she holds my hand, like she is never going to see me again,

It is how she wants me.

 

She wants me, more than anything else,

she buries me in significance,

so deep I can’t find my way out,

I don’t want to find my way out.

It is how I feel wanted by her,

it is how she’s a woman with me,

gentle,

attentive.

 

This is the idea of her,

She’s way more,

She’s scarily way more,

She’s fading.

 

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Ma

Ma, mother, mommy, mama … I love you. And though sometimes it’s hard to explain, and our love is tough, we leave the niceties at the front door and we are real, sometimes it’s hard to convey.

But Mama it’s hard to see u worry,
It’s hard to see you sick,
I feel I’m so damn sorry,
That I couldn’t do better by u yet.

But you are all I ever had
And you are still all I have.

Mama, I never wanna go back,
To that isolated ward,
Where tubes were running through u,
When I was sunked to the floor.

The blood and the helplessness,
I never can forget,
Now they give you this news,
Such cruel cruel fate.

But you are tough,
You always have been,
A cancerian never wants to admit defeat,
Even while staring right at it.

Dont lose hope,
Cause you are all I got,
Don’t worry we will make it through,
Let it be something that time just forgot.

I wanted to tell you this decision I’ve made today so bad, it’s important, its big and I really need to do it now.
But now how can I really? You would never stop me but I can’t never leave you. Now when insulins part of this insanity.

You are all I got and frankly I’m pretty much all you got.

Ma, life is tiring indeed,
Your son is losing hope too,
I’ve worked all the angles,
I’ve played all their tunes,
I’ve sat at the desks,
I’ve stood at their mics,
I’ve kneeled before their statements,
I’ve wrote my last lie,
And I need that exit,
But you need a lifeline,
And I’m sorry I never made more of myself,
So that this would be an easier thing,
I’m sorry and I’m sorry,
I’m tryin my level best,
Please hang in there,
Cause ur son can’t do this without you,
Not this ugliness,
Not this unfairness,
That you were tough enough to see through.

Give me a little more time,
And I’ll come good, I swear.

Cause you are all I got and frankly I’m all you have.

MM
13.4.2015