Where did u grow up?

Wish we grew up on the same advice,

Wish I was there when u still had a heart,

Wish I was in time,

Wish I was there and our time was right.

Make that bed with him, 

Ignore my scent on you,

You made me lose my self control,

Ignore the marks I made.

You made me turn to absurdity,

I looked for darkness,

I tested extremity,

I buzzed through rejection.

I’d still share some with you,

I’ll always share some with you.

We could watch the stars now,

We could be closer than ever,

Look at all those people dance,

Leave it all to chance.

I’ll watch you marry him,

I’ll sing for you,

Someone else will have your babies,

But I’ll have those memories.

And in those memories,

We danced, 

You looked at me,

You smiled,

Bodies tangled,

Hearts mangled.

Hotel windows

There’s a little light peeking,
Through the window,
Of yet another hotel room,
Filled with hope but really just sorrow.

I’m done with hotel rooms,
They are sad,
They are lonely,
They are forgone.

Dad, I know you are fed up too,
Your whole life in hotel rooms,
This job is insane,
This life is inhumane.

I want something else,
I want clarity, organised chaos,
I want cool air of the trees,
I want you anywhere but your knees.

I miss your grace,
I miss your face,
I miss your soul,
Missing you is taking its toll.

Another room, another window,
Another view, another day,
Another hope, another pipedream.

I’m leaving, I’m leaving, he says,
Mother and dog holds on,
Life slips away,
I need stability of another Universe.

Another window.

MM 6.5.15

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Faithless

I second guessed you today,
More than I did yesterday,
I can’t seem to explain these thoughts,
I can’t seem to explain your faults.

How do I explain this intricacy,
Of blaming you intensely,
And of knowing precisely,
But always loving you unconditionally.

I’ll second guess you the day after,
I second guess your laughter,
Your deceitful tears after,
And your passion moments later.

I second guess you, with merit,
I only write these words for you to “tear it”,
I ask myself so many times to just “bear it”,
I still second guess you, cause I fear it.

My faithlessness, iconic,
My rant, ironic.

MM4.7.14

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In the end

In the end, nothing really matters,
In the end, all you have is yourself.
The music stops, the lights go off.
In the end you are left with absolutely nothing.

In the end, you are judged unfairly.
Right then, you are back to zero,
Your efforts completely forgotten.
It goes back to black.

I’m holding on to your hand.
In my mind I can still see you,
In the black, in the darkness,
I still grab on.