Where did u grow up?

Wish we grew up on the same advice,

Wish I was there when u still had a heart,

Wish I was in time,

Wish I was there and our time was right.

Make that bed with him, 

Ignore my scent on you,

You made me lose my self control,

Ignore the marks I made.

You made me turn to absurdity,

I looked for darkness,

I tested extremity,

I buzzed through rejection.

I’d still share some with you,

I’ll always share some with you.

We could watch the stars now,

We could be closer than ever,

Look at all those people dance,

Leave it all to chance.

I’ll watch you marry him,

I’ll sing for you,

Someone else will have your babies,

But I’ll have those memories.

And in those memories,

We danced, 

You looked at me,

You smiled,

Bodies tangled,

Hearts mangled.

Distance

She adds color to my every page,

She sees me through distance,

When she engages,

In instances.

She adds music to my words,
She adds chirping to the birds,
She adds cool to water,
Her daddy’s daughter.

She functions through distance,
Hates my persistence,
Loves my resistance,
Confused at our coexistence.

She’s the stars to my galaxy,
Looking at that sky,
We looked at those planes, lazily,
In PD,  we reached that high.

Distance, she excels,
We evolve,
There will be no bells,
No problem to solve,
Just distance.

When I was inconvenient

As I lay dazed.

Hospitals beds look comfortable, but rarely are.

Tubes run through my veins, stiffening it, the other hand full of puncture wounds.

They steal my blood, like thieves, but I don’t stop them.

They check my pulse then they drown me in some liquid antibiotics.

Why is it so strong? I’m nauseous, my phone goes off, it turns me off, I can’t even look at it, I don’t wanna puke.

I can’t eat the plastic hospital food, I can’t eat. It tastes like death. I’m weakening. I don’t wanna puke.

I eat a little, progress, I don’t wanna puke. It would be waste. 

My phone rings, I answer, I wanna puke, I turn it off, I control it, I distract myself, I try not to puke.

I puke. 

I can’t do anything, I can’t move, I don’t wanna puke again.

I’m alone. I miss you. 

“It’s inconvenient to see you everyday” she rips through my heart.

Why do they let you down when ur at your weakest.

I hallucinate, must be the drugs again.

My phone goes off, maybe it’s her, I wish I could gather enough strength to call her. I don’t wanna puke.

I’m in some Soprano dream sequence, finally I get those dream sequences. The drugs make you someone else. They take you places, colourful places.

I miss you.

I’m an inconvenience.

I miss you, I could do with a pick me up, I could do with you holding my hand, reminding me this is temporary, everyone falls, everyone falls, then they get back up.

I wish I had you there.

I was an inconvenience.

As I lay in bed, drugs keeping me prisoner, I was just an inconvenience.

Hurtsville

Take me back. 

To the couch, in that apartment.

To the time where u were on top of me, and the problems were weighed down.

When I couldn’t feel the disappointment cause there you were.

Your hair all over my face, I couldn’t breathe, but i didn’t wanna move away.

Your hand on mine, your legs on mine, you outlined my body with yours, as much as you could. 

You kissed me.

Cause there I was safe, your phone wasn’t with you, there I had you, all to myself.

The problems, they didn’t exist anymore, as you melted into my skin and bones, you pressed harder, and bent my bones.

“Give me another 5 minutes” I said. You obliged, many times.

I brokedown, it was too damn pretty to be that ugly.

I ignored it, and breathe you in, one last time, knowing after that, things will change forever.

That couch.

Cronulla Bar

I guess we are out of the woods, you at least,

I guess you showed me up, you left indeed.

Do you remember that time in the car, before a Merdekarya night,

Or the first kiss in front of your gate that night.

Do you remember the sandy tales or did another memory hide it?

Do you remember walking the dogs back home for them to turn back anyway?

You remember my cousins, don’t you,

It’s hard to ever forget them.

Remember when I said The Weeknd made awesome songs,

and soon enough you were singing to them?

Do you remember the couch, yeah the first time,

What about the past midnight, stealth moves, not waking anyone,

Do you remember my recent spontaneous decision?

The one to cost me, us, dearly,

I remember the first movie, I don’t think you do,

It was about a freak storm.

We were a freak storm, like an impending doom,

I remember protecting you, when you couldn’t protect yourself,

I remember caring from the depths of my soul, when you were just using my presence,

I make a good distraction don’t I,

I made you forget for just a little while,

I wiped your tears, and mended the holes in your soul,

At least I could do that,

Do you remember?

I do.

 

Celebrity

She’s quite the celebrity,

but she diggin on me,

she hug like she mighty,

but she isn’t quite really.

She pushes me away,

and pulls me closer,

she doesn’t know if I’m bae,

she knows I’m a coaster.

The differing cultures worries her,

“Does he stay just as a friend”,

Inconsistency choreographer,

“Do I pursue him till the end?”

She grabs me, head on my chest,

kisses me, not too many times,

fighting demons with jest,

almost crossing lines.

“Friend, only?

“I’ll be however you want me”

I spin her around carefully,

she pretends to trip with glee.

We spin,

In your father’s house,

Does this finally begin?

MM 10.10.15

She’s trippin

She thinks I’m beautiful,
Yet I do not see it,
we all wanna be beautiful,
we all wanna feel it.

Mr. Jones wants to be funky,
shes staring at you, isn’t she?

She thinks I’m beautiful,
She must be mad,
the nice kind of insane.

She thinks i’m rad,
like her dad,
she thinks i’m cool,
she’s probably missed some school.

She looks at me,
she thinks i’m the one,
How do I tell her,
it is all in good fun?

We stare at the beautiful women …

MM 20.9.15